Masters of the Universe transcript
Season 2 · Episode 15. Generated automatically, so expect the odd misheard word.
Hello and welcome to the worst movie podcast.
I'm Ade. And I'm Aaron, and this is a podcast where we watch the worst movies ever made in the hopes of finding a hidden gem. Enjoy. What have you watched lately? Last night I binge watched a mini-series on Netflix called The Comeback about the 2004 uh Boston Red Sox team that that won the World Series and came back from down three-nothing against the Yankees. Yeah. That's a good yeah, it was really good. I am not a Boston Red Sox fan. In fact, at the time I was rooting for the Yankees because uh I remember watching all those games. But watching the documentary, I'm like, oh, this was the much better story, clearly, than the Yankees winning another World Series. So yeah. It was uh huh.
Did you just not get like that inside story live while you're watching it?
And no, it was definitely a huge story at the time. Like it was a huge part of it. But like nobody expected them to come back from three down and like being a a fan of the Yankees at the time. I mean, I I still like the Yankees, but um, I was definitely rooting for them to win and I thought they were gonna win. And so having the other team come back and beat your preferred team sucks, even though that's definitely the better story. Right. Yeah, but it was uh it was interesting because it was a ton of like behind the scenes stuff and interviews with players and stuff that I I didn't see at the time. Yeah. So it was fun. It was only four episodes, so too long.
What have you been watching? Just watched a movie last night in theaters called Over Your Dead Body, starring Jason Siegel and Samara Weaving. It was fun. Uh it wasn't like great. I gave it three out of five stars. Uh, but it was it was really funny. Like Jason Siegel and Samara Weaving were great in it. They the premise is they're a couple having relationship problems, and they go on a romantic getaway for the weekend to a remote cabin in the woods with plans to kill each other. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw the trailer for this. Yeah, and then hijinks ensue. Was it good? Yeah, I I thought it was funny, and I I thought the best part was like the two of them and their chemistry and their anti-chemistry and and banter. Um that that was I won't spoil much of the movie, but other characters come into play and it's like a little uh I mean, I'll say it has Timothy Oliphant in it as well and Juliet Free. Yeah. Uh throwback to uh um Hitman. Um yeah, he was fine in this, but I don't know, his character.
Was he wooden and flat like he always is? Was he oliphant?
Yeah, I didn't really scrutinize it too closely, but I no, he was he was a little uh over the top caricature-ish. But you know, I think he always like has this swagger or like this smirk yeah, and I mean that was still there. Yeah so maybe that's you could read that as wooden for sure.
Yeah. Is it funny? Yeah, that's funny. Are you you said it's Jason Siegel, not Sudakis? Right. Yeah. Are are you a fan of his?
I like him. I don't I mean, I don't know what you mean by fan in the sense of like I'm not hanging outside, you know, with that's clearly what I meant. Yeah, with uh with poster board. Like like he's not, you know, if you had me draft my like top ten leading men or you know, comedians, like I don't know that he'd make it, but I I like him.
Uh I feel like I really want to like him. And I know he's a pretty good actor, but he grates on me after a while. I don't know what it is about him, but he just kind of gets on my nerves after a while.
Yeah, I don't I don't know that I would say that. I I think he's really good. Actually, I I feel like um Shriek Shrinking, which we've talked about a little bit. I felt like especially season one, uh, and maybe even up to I haven't I haven't finished it, but um up to the recent ones that I've watched, like he's the best part of it. I remember saying watching season one, like anytime like he wasn't on on the screen and like focused on the side characters, it just got kind of like meh and boring, but he like made it really funny and yeah, I think he's a great performer. Like I said, I thought I thought he was great in this. Um, and I don't know, I enjoy him.
Yeah. I uh I I liked him in shrinking. I saw him in uh the uh winning time, the Lakers show. I didn't watch that, yeah. Uh I loved that season. I think he was in because they replaced him with uh Adrian Brody in like the second season, I think. Uh because he was he played Pat Riley, who took over for they seemed like very different actors. Yeah, I mean they didn't play the same character, they were playing different okay he was repla he played the coach, I think, and he was replaced or something uh by Pat Riley eventually. Oh Isaac, yeah, yeah. So he I don't think he was in the I can't remember how many seasons I watched, but uh after a while I was like, he's great and I he's believable in every scene, but just something about him, his voice gets on my nerves. I don't know what it is.
I was just wondering maybe it's just me. Maybe it's the characters he he plays. I feel like he's been in some hilarious movies like I Love You Man and Sarah Marshall and stuff like that.
Like he's I feel like he's very spitty though. Spitty.
Yeah, like there's a lot of there's a lot of occupational hazard working with committed actors.
Yeah.
Have you seen the act uh the actor from Mindhunter was the he played King George in Hamilton too? Yeah. He when he he's also very spitty, and it yeah, heard me from from Hamilton.
What I I what was that scene or that song or whatever?
Yeah, it's uh he has a few like uh solo songs that he sings in Hamilton, and every time that's just spit flying out of his mouth. There were a lot of close-ups on the Disney version of that. I know, it was uncomfortable. He said that just happens. It's uh he can't control it.
Yeah.
But I feel like Jason Siegel's the same way, and it kind of bothers me.
So there's there's the wooden, you know, activated, hopefully.
Then there's just like how much spit foaming at the mouth.
How much spit do you have? Yeah. Oh. Well, how much how much spit did Dolph Lundgren have in He-Man, Masters of the Universe? How's that transition?
That was terrible. Uh I don't even know how to answer that question. Uh he was fine in Masters of the Universe, but he was not I don't know. It was not a good one.
Would you rather have Jason Siegel's spit on your face or Dolph Lundgren?
Neither. I don't know. I guess Dolph Lundgren, because I don't think of him as a spitty person, so maybe it'd be a small amount. If it's if it's Jason Siegel's spit, he's gonna slobber all over me. I love how much you thought about that question.
Like you're really deep in thought for a second, right? Yeah.
Well, I wanted to give a quality answer.
Yeah.
Well, I do appreciate you taking my unserious questions, seriously.
Yeah.
Well, let's talk about uh Masters of the Universe from 1987. So this month we're covering, I don't I don't quite know how to like capture this theme in a nice quippy, you know, two, two or three words, but it's movies before they're remade in 2026. So Masters of the Universe is going to be coming out. A new movie is going to be coming out in 2026. And so we thought we'd revisit the original live action film from 1987. Uh obviously a remake of the what would you call it a remake? I don't know, an interpretation of the cartoon series from the 80s. A live action adaptation? Yes, sure. So uh we'll we'll we'll get to some of the adaptation pieces in a bit, but yeah, uh this was directed by Gary Goddard, who this is his only feature film credit. He created a company that does theme park and live show landmark entertainment group? Yes. Very successful. I think they've done like I don't know, theme park stuff and I don't know, uh, for for a lot of uh a lot of places. I feel is that big enough? I feel very informed. Yeah. I'm sure Mr. Goddard will appreciate this glowing uh review of his company. Well, I mean, but it's still part of his legacy. Yeah, I guess so. Uh and then the movie stars Dolph Longren and Courtney Cox and one of her first film roles. Yeah. Maybe her uh was it her first film role? I think she had like a cameo. It might have been. Let me see. I think it's probably her first, like, major film role. She was uh first known for being in a Bruce Springsteen video. Yes, dancing in the dark. Yes. But it also stars Frank Langella and Meg Foster, who I'm sure we'll talk about a little bit more. Rotten Tomatoes gave this a 21%. As we've talked about before, you know, this was pre like Rotten Tomatoes, so uh grain of salt with that rating, but it had a $22 million budget and made 17 million at the box office.
And was not favorably reviewed when it came out either. So not in the least.
Yeah. Uh first of all, what's what's your connection to He-Man? Or like had you seen this movie?
Did you No, it wasn't on my radar at all. Uh, this was definitely before my uh time for Saturday morning cartoons. I was more of a mid-90s instead of mid-80s kid. So yeah, I I I have no relationship to He-Man or Masters of the Universe. I didn't know this movie existed. I don't know any of the characters or like what what's special about them. So I went in blind. Yeah.
What about you? Uh He-Man was super important to me. So I it hit me right at the sweet spot uh without going too much into my childhood's stories. I I watched this a lot. I don't remember much of it, but I just I remember liking it a lot. You watched this movie or the no, the cartoon. Okay. Uh and I even named, we had a dog that I named She-Ra, which is He-Man's sister, that doesn't appear in this movie, but is in the cartoons. I remember having He-Man toys. So I think I was so I would have been uh nine when this movie came out.
You're right uh right there in the Target audience.
Yeah, maybe eight years old uh when it came out. So yeah, I was right in the target audience. Uh I did I don't think I saw this movie in theaters. I may have seen it, like bits of it on TV in the 90s. Um, I have this like vague memory of I've had one babysitting job in my life, and uh I have a vague memory of babysitting this kid in my neighborhood when I was in high school, and he was watching this and me thinking like looked really bad. Uh but you know, if I saw this as a eight-year-old, um it's completely forgotten.
Yeah. I've never had a babysitting job.
Yeah, I mean, like I said, it was I I don't I I still to this day wonder. I forget completely who that family was, uh, how they found me and chose me as a babysitter.
I feel like it's an oldest sibling job. Me being the youngest sibling, I never was chosen for anything of responsibility.
Maybe. And I also feel like, especially in the 90s, it was much more of a well, let's let's find the oldest sibling girl to babysit. Yeah. Not not the boy. Um, so I don't know. I I don't think I was friends with the little kid or anybody in their family. So uh my other memory of it is I remember he ate dinner that his mom had prepared for him and it was tofu, and I was just like, gross. What are you eating? So maybe that's why I never babysat for him again, because I just maybe I insulted his food and his movie choices. Yeah. And he was like, that kid was mean.
Yeah, probably. That's probably it. Yeah. Word got around. Yeah. Ruined your babysitting career.
Yeah. Uh so a little bit of background on He-Man. So it our timing is uh prescient because the uh I just read this week that the man who invented He-Man passed away.
Oh.
And I was reading his OBIT in the New York Times and it had a little bit of a backstory about He-Man. And basically, I may get some details wrong, but the gist of it is that uh George Lucas came to Mattel to get them to like try to license the Star Wars toys, and Mattel turned them down. Yeah. And then Star Wars obviously was wildly successful, and the toys were a money-making machine. So Mattel was like, we've gotta find an answer to this in the market. And so they they created He-Man. And uh so yeah, I mean, it was basically invented to to sell toys.
And this movie, I guess, was heavily marketed as the Star Wars of the 80s. So yeah, and there were definitely parts of this movie you could tell were heavily inspired from Star Wars.
Well, uh the henchmen instead of stormtroopers, they were stormtroopers with like a Darth Vader mask. Yeah, they were just black instead of white. Yeah. Um I also thought there's there's so much that ripped. I thought the theme song sounded almost exactly like the Superman theme song.
Uh yeah, I said the same thing that they've they just ripped off John Williams throughout the whole movie for the music because they had they had that. They also had like some Star Wars uh Star Wars sounding uh like they ripped off the Imperial March song. Yep. Uh and uh I mean I I guess it's a spoiler for the end of the movie, but it basically ends with the villain falling down a huge shaft just like Emperor Palpatine. Yeah.
Do you do you know much about Canon Films that was behind that produced this? No. All right, well, dig in. I'll I'll try to be brief. Uh 80% of my background notes are about canon films. So uh this is a notorious studio that started in 1967, and they're they first found success by producing English language versions of Swedish soft core porn films. And they basically grew to like they found a model for buying like bottom of the barrel price scripts and then putting them into production and would just churn out low budget like B movies. Yeah. Exploitation, sci-fi action movies. So like they would do a lot of sequels. They did all the Deathwish sequels, they did a bunch of Chuck Norris movies, um, movies with Sylvester Stallone and John Club Van Dam, and like their their peak was in 1986 they released 43 movies in one year. So they were just like a factory. Yeah. Um and so like their background, I would I would watch a whole docuseries based on them because it just sounds fascinating, like how they started and then grew to to I guess the heights of their power and then imploded. So uh 1986 was the peak, and then 1987, which is when Master of the Universe came out. So they they came out with this and also Superman 4, which has to be on our list. I yeah, I s I saw Superman 4 for the first time a few years ago, and oh man, that is no words. It's a contender. Yes, it's it's a contender. Um and like you alluded to earlier, they so they I think they kind of they started putting more and more money behind some of this big IP and like talking it up. Like so they they really set expectations that this was going to be the Star Wars of the 1980s. Yeah. And uh it bombed. Superman 4 bombed, and basically they went bankrupt. And so a a lot of a lot of the problems with this movie is they ran out of money. Yeah. Um mid-shoot, and then also like did a bunch of things even pre-production, like decisions that were based on budget. So uh I didn't remember a lot of I had to like remind myself and watch a little bit of the original cartoon, but the in the cartoon, there's a sidekick for He-Man called Orko, who's like this floating wizard guy or whatever. And basically they were like, there's no way we can afford to render him or I don't know, like do this. So they invented the little goblin guy, Gildor, yeah, as kind of a stand-in for that. And then even like so He-Man lives in Eternia, this whole other planet, and yada yada, I don't know, whatever. And so they were like, it's too expensive to fill this whole other planet. Yeah. So most of this takes place in like a suburban strip mall. Yeah. And so they invent this like ridiculous backstory of like this intergalactic battle all teleporting to this American suburban strip mall. Uh basically just because of the budget. So like the fact that Canon films was almost out of money. Yeah. Like really was why this movie was so terrible. Like they they ran out of money on the shoot, and so like the end battle between He-Man and Skeletor is just it, it was just filmed with just the two of them on set. They didn't they couldn't afford the extras and all that.
Uh yeah, it was a it was the two of them and like a skeleton film crew, and that was it. Uh and like intentionally shot with very low light. So that you couldn't really see uh, you know, the ugly scars.
And then the shots on Eternia. I mean, this movie just looks terrible, but it's like they're they're trying to show these landscapes that it's like if you asked me and you to paint the the landscape background. I mean, I don't you like I'm not saying like you're terrible or like I'm terrible. I'm sure we're like decently competent, but we're definitely that's not our that's not our thing.
It's it's not like collar on canvas if that's what you're asking. Yeah.
Um so yeah, those and I think I can't remember what movie we talked about, the special effects. Like this, this has to be the worst special effects you've seen.
Yeah, it was it was pretty bad. Yeah. It was up there for sure.
Yeah. So uh anyway, it's just yeah, it's fascinating. So I I think they went bankrupt this year in 87 or the falling, like a year or two later. Um yeah, it's it's crazy.
Makes sense, yeah. I mean, it's crazy to me how quickly He Man fell off because I know he was it was a popular cartoon and everything. And it was like this movie came out the year I was born. So this sh should have been like the height of its popularity. And by the time that I was like watching cartoons, it was gone. Like I don't it was not on TV anymore. I don't remember it would the toys were gone. Like I don't remember anybody being into e-man.
Yeah. I don't know if yeah, I don't remember enough of the cartoon and I haven't studied enough of the lore to like, is there enough of a story here and and depth to to care?
So maybe I watched this whole movie and I don't know what the lore or the story behind E-Man is still. Yeah.
Well, let's start there. Like I was kind of confused about that. That um all I know about the lore is what I looked up after I watched this movie. Because yeah, like you said, they just kind of jump in. And sometimes I like when movies jump in and don't like do a lot of exposition and tell you. But this needed it. If if you're going to introduce a whole new alien race and yeah, and different yeah, this whole power struggle and all that stuff, like at least something. Uh but even more basic than that, what are human's powers? Like, what what is he as a hero, as the main character we're supposed to be rooting for? Who is he? What's his backstory?
Like, yeah, I think just find out that he's just the most powerful being in the universe.
Yeah, the characters all like his his enemies all seem to fear him, but we never really see he he doesn't like break out any crazy, like powerful, like it doesn't seem like he's stronger than anybody else. He's not a better shot or swordsman or anything.
Yep. And he's not like invincible or anything either. Like you can they get the best of him. Many times.
Yeah.
Well, and that's I also had an issue with a lot of the fight scenes in this movie. It's probably budget related, but they're so close that's like a bunch of close-up, quick edit. Like, here's a hand punching like close-up. And like there's no big you don't get the scope of the the action scene, and it's such fast editing that you're like, I it's just making me want to uh lie down. I don't know.
Like and and all the yeah, there's a lot of sword fighting that's all close, like you can't tell what's happening. Yeah. And then there's some gunplay, but it's all lasers with the cheapest looking laser that you can imagine. And like clearly, you know, I'm sure it's always hard, but the actors are guessing where the laser's gonna hit and what's gonna, it's very uh very poorly done. Yes. Uh why don't you give us a plot summary?
There's not much plot, and I didn't write any of this down, so let's see how this goes. Uh I'm sure you won't bastardize it any more than the writers of this movie did. So the the story in He-Man is that Castle Grey Skull is the center of all power in the universe, and it's on this planet called Eternia, which is where He-Man is from, and they protect this castle. And He-Man's arch nemesis is Skeletor, who desires to, I guess, get into the Castle Grey Skull, and that gives him all of the power in the universe, I guess, and makes him master. And so they're just trying to stop him, and he has stolen a uh magic key from this um what was his name? Gwildor or Gwildor. Yeah, Gwildor. He made a uh a key that lets him teleport to anywhere in the in the universe, and so he's gonna use this key to teleport into Castle Grey Skull, and He-Man is trying to stop him. But it ends up with them going to Earth for most of the movie. So and following around a few teenagers and their story.
What I'm just laughing because it's so ridiculous. It I it it just yeah, the whole thing sounds ridiculous. Like he like the He-Man source material probably just sounds ridiculous on paper anyway, because it's this I don't know, it's just silly names and like what kind of name is He-Man anyway? Like, I don't know.
And I mean, he doesn't have the same haircut in this movie as he does in the cartoon, but what were they thinking? Yeah, I don't I don't know.
Uh and and then it's just so ridiculous. Like, uh we shouldn't talk about the plot much, but it's like, yeah, this key doesn't really make sense, and then the why they're on earth doesn't make sense, and then how the key works doesn't make sense. Yeah, I don't really understand why Skeletor is trying to get the second key and then why He-Man needs a second, like it seems I guess their whole plan. Can we jump to the end real quick and then come back to the beginning? Because I guess their whole plan is to get this key and teleport He-Man teleports back into Castle Grey Skull to get Skeletor out. I don't know, Skeletor has this huge army.
He is like what it seems like.
He's like Darth Vader and the Imperial Forces.
Yeah, and they steal the Imperial March music to during the scene where we see them all.
And then and then the the final scene is they use this key to He-Man's already captured by Skelator, and so this uh dwarf scientist goblin character, yeah, and he-Man's two trusty military people. It doesn't seem like He-Man has an armed force, just two soldiers.
Yeah, man at arms and uh his daughter Tila.
Yeah, so the three of them, two American teenagers, one of them played by Courtney Cox, yeah, and then a incompetent police officer, uh, who's like all teleport into Skeletor's realm, castle or whatever, and fight the whole imperial guard and save the day. And it's like I don't know. I it didn't it didn't make any sense.
It didn't I'm very confused by the plot. Like, why did he Man need the key to go back to Castle Grace Cole? Doesn't he have access to that place? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. And yeah, if you're if you're Skeletor and you already have the key, just teleport in and take the power. Did they need did they need He-Man's sword? Yeah, but what does it matter if there's another key? If He-Man teleports in, just you have your whole army there, just capture him.
Yeah, and they already captured He-Man.
Yeah.
Anyway, uh so yeah, I don't understand. Yeah, the plotting makes no sense. Uh, so let's not talk too much about the plot. Um this key, this teenager finds it, and he's like, This is one of those Japanese synthesizers, because it's playing sounds.
Yeah.
And he says that twice, right?
Um takes it to a music shop to have his friend look at it and tell him what kind of synthesizer it is.
Is that like a like a little bit of xenophobia from the 80s of like just the Japanese are creating all these like crazy technology?
I think that the Japanese were just uh the leading edge of technology. He assumed if he hasn't seen it, it must be the new thing from Japan. Yeah.
I mean, it looked cool, I guess. It did look cool. Um if I found that in a field, I don't think I'd start pressing buttons, would you? No.
Especially since it clearly fell from space. It's probably a million degrees. And uh yeah, I wouldn't just pick it up and start pressing buttons and then steal it. I mean, it looks like a weapon, like it has a handle. It's got spikes all over it.
Yeah. What does this do?
Boop boop boop. Yeah.
And so waiting at people.
Uh as the story progresses, the extra key gets destroyed essentially, and they have to recreate it. But I don't understand how it works. He just plays the mu the noises it makes on this on an actual keyboard, like a Casio.
Yeah. I don't think I don't think the writers really they they clearly didn't try to. There's so many gadgets in this movie that are just like the characters are walking around, and then anytime they need a gadget, it's just conveniently there. Like they just pull it out of their pocket or something, and it does something magical, like show, yeah, show what happened in in this space previously.
Like or that was the wildest thing. She did that, and I was like, what the fuck is that technology? You can just go to a place and dial in. Uh, you want to see what happened here 30 minutes ago? Yeah, I mean, that'd be pretty cool.
That is awesome. What what piece of technology would you most want from this movie? Would it be that? What about the truth collar that makes anybody tell you the truth? That they just left behind. Yeah. And the other guy had a key for it to unlock. Like he's just carrying around a key for that thing.
Yeah. Uh yeah, the truth collar was pretty cool, but I don't think that I would like need that very often.
Um yeah, I guess I would unless I decide to walk up to Amanda and like slap it on. Did you eat the last of my yogurt?
Yeah.
Uh yeah, I so I don't know. I guess that thing, that was probably the coolest thing that is like so far beyond being able to see back in time. Yeah, that would be kind of cool.
Yeah. Uh I'm not sure what I would use it for, though. What would you use it for?
I don't know. Maybe maybe go to Delee Plaza and Dallas and find out what really happened.
Oh yeah. Yeah, I guess that's you could you could solve crimes. Yeah.
Um, be like a you'd be like the best uh detective in the in the world. Yeah.
Yeah.
The career path there with that. Maybe we should invent that technology. You're fucked if you lose it though.
Yeah. Stop working someday. If you have that tech if if you have that gadget, do you think you could use it discreetly so they just think you're a good detective? Or would they like pretty quickly be like, well, thank you for creating that gadget. I'll just take it and yeah.
And also you have to be able to prove that what you're seeing actually happen. Like if there's no evidence left behind, you still have to prove it. I think this is another show, somebody that knows what happens, but they have to uh figure out how to prove it.
I feel like that's did you ever watch um what was that psych? Uh oh yeah. Where um I feel like that was kind of the premise of a lot of the shows where he would pick up on clues, but he couldn't really say because he was pretending to be psychic, yeah, he couldn't really say, I know because I saw this, this, and this. So it was all about like reverse engineering the evidence. Yeah.
Interesting. All right. Well, it's been done.
Yeah, I mean, it's it could add a cool little sci-fi element to it. Like you're actually from another you're from Eternia and you have this you know, gadget that you can use. Yeah. We should we should work on on a spec draft script. Okay. I have just a bunch of random notes. Skeletor's finest warriors don't seem like very good warriors. No. They're bested by Courtney Cox.
Yeah. Nobody dies in this either.
Yeah. It's PG, uh, which I think that's I think one of the Mattel uh things was they didn't want He-Man to do anything wrong, like kill anybody or actually hurt anybody.
Yeah.
It was funny because like so many people got shot and then they just come back in the next scene, and I was like, oh, I guess they're okay.
Well, that's what happens when you're shooting them with fake lasers. They just have like a little bit of like paint that looks like a burn on their arm, and that's it. Yeah, they set their blasters to stun, I guess. Could you imagine running around filming that movie in the He-Man costume? He's basically naked. In his underwear the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. It seems terrible. He looked good. He was glistening.
Yeah. Uh not a very good actor. No. In fact, they had to go back and redub all of his dialogue after afterwards, because they were gonna use another actor to do the voice acting. And I think that I can't remember who put the nicks on that, but he basically said he'll redo it.
Yeah.
It seemed like they heard all of his lines over again.
There was a contractual problem. I think like he he wouldn't let them use a different actor, like he wanted to do it. So it was his voice, but it was dubbed.
And it was still bad.
Yeah, it was still very I mean, you want to talk flat and wooden. Uh I don't think anybody is like Dolph Lundgren's actually a great actor, so I you know, I don't think it's a surprise. But for somebody who had to carry a movie, like there was no, there was no charm, there's no charisma, there's no humor from that character. There was nothing. There was like not that much dialogue, even. Well, it seemed like they cut as much as possible. Yeah. You barely knew who he was as a character.
Yeah. Like it you got halfway through the movie and it was still like, is he even the main character in this movie? Yeah, we're following a lot of other characters right now.
If you didn't know that D-Man was the hero, uh yeah, it was hard to tell. Because again, you couldn't even tell, like, did he have powers? Did he he I mean, he didn't seem like he really did anything. Yeah, but it didn't it didn't really like do anything special. It was just it was just a big sword.
Yeah. Oh, when in the big battle uh with Skelator at the end, they were straight using lightsaber sounds at times. Uh yeah, I just thought that was a funny little note.
I made Kelly watch like 15 minutes of it. Uh and I think we need a podcast episode that's just the audio of Kelly talking and watching a movie like this. Uh she started watching when all the uh quote unquote Skeletor's finest go into the school gym and they're like chasing Courtney Cox around. And Kelly was like, why is she wet? She just like was wet all of a sudden. Yeah. Uh and she just started laughing every time He-Man talked because he was so terrible.
I couldn't tell what his accent was either. Like, he's what, German? He's Swedish. I guess he was Russian when we first went, but I think that's just from Rocky.
Yeah. But yeah, he's Swedish.
Uh yeah, but he sounded British a lot of the time.
Yeah.
I it was hard to tell what he was going for. This is like the hitman episode. Like, I don't really know that I could tell you what a Swedish accent sounds like versus Norwegian versus Danish versus, you know. Fair. Yeah. I mean I can tell the difference probably between that and British, but yeah.
Yeah. It was not good, whatever it was going for. Yeah.
I had a big problem with uh just the whole um sci-fi element of it. Like if it was trying to be, I was just like, okay, these people are teleporting here from another planet, and there's no even like cursory, like they like they don't know this planet. It's not a planet they've visited before. Yeah. And they're not even like trying to like, oh, is the air and the like from the sun? Yeah, they all know English, and like there's no lefty.
Yeah. Because they just teleported there at random, and and Gwildor said they could have gone to any place in the known universe. Uh, they just happened to go to a habitable planet full of humans that speak the same language.
Yeah, and apparently any point in time, too. So uh yeah, and then they there's like a brief mention, they start eating food, and they're like, oh, this came from an animal, and like they're disgusted. Yeah. But like you just start eating food from a random planet. Like, I I don't know. Like it it just bugged me how this tried to be a sci-fi epic, but yeah, didn't give you the any of the basics.
Yeah.
It was just a low budget film uh in a shopping mall.
Yeah, it felt like a student film at times. I was like a lot. I was like, we could get together and do like parts of this. I which I mean, kudos to them. Like I feel like everybody seemed to really commit to it and really give it a lot of energy.
Oh, especially Frank Langella, who played Skeletor. Yeah. Uh I I thought Skeletor was funny. He was hamming it up, he was like a Shakespearean villain.
It felt uh I did think it was a very uh Raul Julia M. Bison performance. Yeah.
It was that same energy. Very much so. I saw that um Dolph Lundgren said this movie was his least favorite film role, and Frank Langello said this was his favorite.
Yeah, he said it was favorite. Yeah. I didn't see that about Dolph. What why did he say that?
I don't know. I think it just was not a good movie, and I think that maybe the studio or the studio and Mattel interfering with it. I mean, he sucked in it. Yeah, I mean he had to go redo all of his lines.
The whole thing, I mean, you have to cast an actor. I have no background in films, so I'm just talking about my ass, clearly. But uh, from this, it's like they cast him just based on his his pecs. And it's like he he you they really needed an actor who could like have some charm and charisma and that the audience could connect with. And it was just it was not that.
Well, I mean, the entire He-Man line is just a cash grab. It's trying to cash in on the popularity of Star Wars and things like that. So they're already starting from a place of lowest uh creative investment, highest financial outcome. So like they're obviously just going for the easiest, cheapest.
Yeah, but I mean, especially knowing that that the studio went bankrupt after this.
Like, you know, I feel like if you were putting that much money into this movie, you would try to get an actor who, you know, could well this was the year after Rocky IV, so maybe they were banking on him being a big star.
Yeah. Uh he was in Rocky and and what uh there was another something that he he was popular in before this. Um I don't know. But I mean, never I I don't think he had a leading role before this. So Yeah. Um who else who who would you have cast instead? I I mean, I don't know. Like I I think uh Schwarzenegger is like clearly a uh like this needed an Arnold in this role. Yeah. It would have been a much better movie. Yeah like he has the comedic chops and the you know, the charm, uh I think to really do it right.
Yeah. This was eighty seven. When did uh Terminator one come out? Four, eighty-four?
Yeah, maybe. I I'm sure he would have been way too expensive for this, but but like that's that's the like you know, Arnold's up here.
Yeah. I feel like Arnold is the peak of that type of actor.
But Dolph is, I mean, I'm sure he's a great I mean I I don't know. Like I he may be a great person, uh, but like as a like compared to on the Arnold scale, if Arnold's a ten, Dolph is I mean, he he's he's best as the the villain who gives one or two lines in a movie. The Jaws, the yeah, I think looking angry.
Yeah, the henchman.
Mm hmm.
What do you think of Courtney Cox in this? I thought she was good. I think it's uh I think she quite clearly had whatever it is.
Yeah. It's hard for me to tell since I have so much affinity for I was. I love friends and uh I feel like even just you know hearing Courtney's voice, I'm like, oh, you know, like I can feel the endorphins. Uh yeah.
It's super nostalgic.
Yeah. So I I think I'm probably really biased. Like I do wonder if if she was a no-namer, would I would I think it was a good performance? Um there's some moments where it's like really bad dialogue and scenes. Like when she's like shot in the leg or whatever and she's moating. I was like, oh, it's it's a little rough.
I I mean the whole movie was that way. It wasn't like she stood out for that, for that performance or that scene specifically. Like everyone had scenes like that where there it was just shitty dialogue and what what do you do with it?
Well, it does make me feel uh let's just say I I think she's fortunate that she had a thriving career. Uh if like this is one of her first film roles and it's on her reel and people still hired her, like it's hard to see to watch any scene and be like, yeah, I see I see something in in her.
Yeah.
Probably because so much around it was bad. Like it's just hard to Yeah.
I thought she was better than that, I guess. Yeah. I thought she was I like you could clearly see what came after in this movie. Like I, you know, her where she went in her career after this, you could clearly see that she had the beginnings of it in this. Yeah. Yeah, I thought she was good. I liked her. I didn't think that the um Kevin or whatever his name was, the other teenager. Yeah, the boy Yeah, Kevin. I didn't think that he was that good of a we don't character.
Didn't really talk much about their story. Like I didn't understand their story at all. Like she at the beginning of the movie, she was gonna leave town and leave him, even though.
Well, they had just graduated and she was basically leaving town to go to college.
Was what I but they were gonna break up, right?
Yeah. Like this was the this uh the events that transpired in this movie was like gonna be their last date or whatever. They were gonna go on one last date together before she left for college. And the date was she was just gonna watch him practice with this band. Well, she also made him go to the graveyard with her to she's an orphan, so she had to go visit her her parents.
Yeah, I mean, I understand that part. That's not like a that that was just a few minutes, but like the last date, he was just gonna be like, All right, I'm gonna play with my band. You can just sit around and watch. Like, that's kind of a shitty thing to do as a boyfriend.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, I don't know.
He also complained about what the date was. He said something like, It's not a very fun final date, because uh, I don't know what she wanted to do, but I don't know. It didn't seem like they'd planned it out very well.
Yeah. Well, but she ends up staying, I guess, because they got teleported back in time so she could save her parents from dying from the plane crash that killed them.
Uh yeah, there's also a police officer involved who was played by the pro uh principal from Back to the Future. Yeah, he was in a bunch of stuff.
He was in uh James Tulkin um Top Gun War Games. Yeah. Oh, he he just passed away in March. Yep. As well. So rip. Uh any other notes? Oh, at the end, um, am I evil if I'm He-Man? I'm like, yeah, you can kill these teenagers on Earth, and I'm going to defeat you. Like, Skeletor gives them a choice, and it's like, save these people you met two hours ago in this remote planet, or lose your home planet. Me control the universe. And it's like, well, you're evil, and I don't want you to control the universe, so you can go ahead and kill my friends.
Yeah. It's the uh it's the train car or the trolley car problem. Yeah.
But but a much bigger scale.
Uh I think we're lively the entire universe or two cali uh two uh teenagers that you'd never met before. Yeah, is that bad? Uh no, I think that's a fair trade.
I don't think I really understood the whole time what Skeletor is. I I knew he wanted power, but it's also like, what is he actually doing with the power?
Or what does he do when he's not trying to gain power? Like he's already really powerful. Like, yeah. What is this He's got a whole army already? Yeah. I don't know. I don't get it.
Yeah.
Uh maybe need to rewatch the cartoon because it's uh I think if I was like seven years old and when this came out, I'd I'd be all about it, but I don't get it.
Yeah. Well, are you uh are you interested in watching the the new one?
Yeah, I watched the trailer for it. It looks better than this.
Well yeah. I mean like I I mean to that point, do you think there's any the the 1987 movie? There's no way a movie of that quality could be made today, right? Like and release in theaters.
Uh no, probably not a wide release. I I can't imagine. But maybe.
Uh I mean like like they tried to do a Star Wars scale epic with a budget that was 1% of that. Like Yeah. Like you couldn't release a movie that looked this terrible.
No, probably not. Although Borderlands I thought was pretty shitty. Yeah, but at least clearly trying to do a Marvel movie.
Uh, yeah, but but at least they they just didn't have a script. And uh yeah, but they at least like money into production. Yeah, like their parts that like looked like the costumes were decent. Um like Skeletor's mask kind of bugged me. Like it was like he's supposed to be a skeleton and have like a rubber mask that's lighting around his mouth when he was breathing.
Yeah. Yeah, it didn't look good.
Uh yeah. Anyway, uh yeah, what do you think about the new one coming out?
I think it looks fine. However, um, what is going on with Idris Elba? Why is he in all these movies? Uh uh. 15 or 20 years ago, I'd be like, he's gonna be the next big leading man in Hollywood. Yeah. He's just doing superhero movies now. I don't get it. Big fat paychecks. Sonic, he's in Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and Knuckles. He's Knuckles.
He went from stringer bell to knuckles. I mean, he's getting big paychecks and then going and DJing like in Avita and hanging out. I just was hoping his movie career would be better. Yeah. It does feel so the the trailer, it looks it looks good. I feel like, who knows, maybe they'll inject, you know, some something unique and interesting about it. But it does, speaking of Marvel, it feels like they're trying to make a Marvel movie. Yeah. And it's in this universe that like nobody cares about. Like if you if you like I grew up on the He-Man cartoons and I don't I mean, I I'm sure there are people who are like, I still watch them every, you know, all the time and I love them. And like you and some people who are into the lore, but that's gotta be like almost nobody. Dozens of people. Not you know, it's not it's not like how I feel about Batman where I'm like, oh, you know, like it's such a great, this like epic sweeping story with this emotional depth and like this range of characters that you could talk and like mine for you know for generations. Like He-Man's just kind of like, yeah, it's this like hokey toy that uh you know, big muscles and sword that is shiny. Like, yeah, I don't know. Like as soon as they like every time they mentioned in this movie like characters' names and stuff like that, like my eyes just kind of glazed over and I felt like watching the trailer. It's like that same sort of thing of like, okay, we're gonna go to Eternia now and see like I I mean there's no way I would be able to drag Kelly to this movie, like the the 2026 movie to go see that in theaters.
Yeah. Uh when I was watching the trailer the whole time, I'm like, who is this for? Like, yeah, I guess Gen X. Like somebody in Gen X might be really into seeing this, but like who?
Yeah, and I feel like we, you know, we are it's also been like so much of this like recycled, remade IP that it felt novel the first time it happened, but like by this time it's like, okay, everything that I've I don't know, that I had a finite has been remade. And yeah, I don't know. Like I'm just I'm aged out of caring about that, I guess. Like maybe when I was 20, you know, in my twenties and thirties, that would have been different.
But I don't feel like there's any 20-year-olds now that are like, yes, he-man. Right. With a bunch of uh actors we've never heard of other than Idriselba. Uh Alison Breeze in it. She plays the uh Evil Inn. Evil Inn, which is the funniest name.
Yeah, I mean, all the names in here, it's like they they phone this the I and it's not like it could be maybe funny. Yeah, it could be funny, like in a like tongue in cheek sort of thing, but I don't know. I just hope they have a a unique angle or to the story or the but from the trailer, it just looks like you're just transported in this world and supposed to care about him saving his his home planet. Yeah. And it's like okay.
Yeah. Good luck. Yeah. I hope you win, I guess.
Sucks for you. Yeah. Um, yeah, we'll see. Uh coming out June 2026. Uh clearly this is not a sponsored podcast.
Yeah, if you if you ask me, this seems like another uh cash grab by the same people to try to make money back on the backs of comic book movies being popular.
But they're doing it at the wrong time.
Oh, yeah, they completely uh yeah, they're they're obviously uh not leaders in this uh genre. They missed the Star Wars boat and they're missing the comic book movies boat too. Yeah, they just they're always they're coming back ten ten years afterwards each time. They're like, this is gonna be the Avengers of the 2020s. Yeah. Uh maybe, maybe. Yeah. Well, what are your alt picks? Well, I don't know if you know this, but Courtney Cox was in this delightful little TV show uh called Seinfeld. Uh I'm just kidding.
You can't you can't make one of the most popular TV shows of all time, your alt pick. Uh I thought you were gonna say like uh um Cougar Town or whatever. No.
Uh but I wish I had thought of that. Uh no, uh Frank Langello was in a movie called Frost Nixon that I liked. Uh with Michael Sheen about uh it was after Nixon had stepped down like several years later, he did he agreed to do a TV interview with uh David Frost, who was like a talk show host at the time and not somebody who was really to be taken seriously. Uh but he took the interviews seriously and they ended up being some of the best, most interesting like presidential interviews.
Did that win best picture?
It was or was it nominated? It was nominated for five Oscars. I don't know if it won. Directed by Ron Howard. Yeah, it did not win any Oscars, but it was nominated for Picture of the Year. Frank Langello was nominated for Best Actor, Best Director, uh, best adapted screenplay and film editing. So yeah, it was a good movie. Yeah, I missed that at the time it came out. Yeah.
What about you? Uh I kind of struggled with with all pics. Uh I I picked The Last Boy Scout starring Bruce Willis. I've never seen that. Oh, really? It's it's a fun movie. I need to rewatch it. It's been a while, but uh yeah. So what's the connection here? Uh oh, it's a good one. Um this is totally within the rules. Um, so Chelsea Field, who plays Tila in Masters of the Universe, plays uh Bruce Willis's wife in The Last Boy Scout. Oh so I was trying to figure out where at where I'd seen her before. And uh and that's it. So that's so that's my pick. That's that counts.
What why is that a good movie? Why should I watch that?
Uh it's it's like uh fun, um, like prime Bruce Willis. He's he's a uh I don't know. You've not even seen this movie, have you? I've seen it several times. I've just tried to it's it's just been a while. I'm trying to think of like how to sell it, but I don't really know. Um he's a wisecrack and uh no won't take shit from anybody character. Uh so like like he plays in Yeah, it's John McClain. Yeah, yeah, he's basically John McClain, but it's you know, he's a he's the last Boy Scout. All right. I forget why they call it the Last Boy Scout.
Yeah, because you never saw it. American football. You didn't even mention it has Damon Wayans in it. Uh yeah, it does. He's the co-lead. And Halle Berry. Uh and Bruce McGill, our favorite.
Uh remind me of Bruce McGill as I know we talked about it before.
Uh he's just a a character actor that's been in a lot of things. If you look him up, you'll have to make it. Oh yeah, yeah.
Yep. Yeah. Yeah. He he has an affair with Bruce Willis's wife. Nice in the movie. But yeah, Damon Wayans is a place in the NFL in this movie, and I think Bruce Wells is investigating. I don't know. I I'm gonna stop talking now. Uh that's all I have. That's all I've got. Uh send us email at the worst movie podcast at gmail.com. I'm Ada.
I'm Aaron. Thanks for watching and listening to the worst movie podcast.