Invasion U.S.A. transcript
Season 2 · Episode 26. Generated automatically, so expect the odd misheard word.
Hey, welcome to the Worst Movie Podcast. I'm Ade.
I'm Aaron. This week we're talking about invasion USA from 1985.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? I don't know. He didn't. The road moved out of his way. Enjoy. So what are you watching these days, Aaron?
I rewatched uh Ad Astra last night. The Brad Pitt movie. I don't think I want to like it so bad. Did it bomb? I think it did. What's it about? Uh it's a near future movie where Earth is getting blasted with these like radio waves or something that is disrupting
life on Earth, and it's coming from Neptune, and they believe that they're coming from an expedition that Brad Pitt's father led out to Neptune. That they it's the furthest expedition uh that human life has gone on. And they think that something went wrong on the mission because they lost contact with him, and that this is somehow him sending a message back or a warning or something, and so they basically send Brad Pitt, his son, to go try to communicate with him or bring him back, and uh uh it's it's very much in the style of like uh 2001 Space Odyssey, uh where space travel is like commercialized and uh they have a base on Mars and the Moon, and there's really cool scenes in it, and the visuals are really great in it, but the like script sucks so bad. And uh like there's good actors in it, but they like how can you deliver these lines? And like it it's a movie that resorted to Brad Pitt doing voiceover to explain everything that's happening because the script is so bad. It's like it has great ambiance and visuals and everything, and I like the technology, like it's a cool kind of sci-fi world, but it's just so badly written that it's it's almost unwatchable.
I don't know how I missed this movie. I I remember it coming out, but I don't know why I didn't watch it. I love Brad Pitt, I love sci-fi, and this is directed by James Gray, who I mentioned We Own the Night. He he directed that. Uh I mentioned that movie a couple episodes
ago. Yeah.
So um, yeah, it seems on paper like this should be great, but yeah, it it too blatantly rips off a lot of other um better sci-fi, like 2001 Space Odyssey, like the whole him going to there's a scene of him basically flying commercial to the moon, uh, and it's so blatantly ripped off of 2001 Space Odyssey that I'm like, I get it. Like it's a nod, but it's a little too much of a nod. Like they I wish they had expanded and done their own thing.
Is it how do you know the line? Is it like if you like the movie, then it's an homage, or if you hate the movie, then it's a ripoff?
Uh yeah, probably, if I'm being honest. Yeah.
Seems fair. Yeah. What have you been watching? I just re-watched The Last Boy Scout, which we talked about. That's the one with Bruce Willis. And uh I started trying to explain it like it was my alt pick, and you just tore into me because I couldn't explain anything about it. It's been so long since I've seen it. I was like, I need to re-watch this so I can actually back it up. Yeah. Starring uh co-starring Damon Wayans. It is a uh fun 90s action movie. It's it's probably one of like Bruce Willis's best performances. I mean, he has so many iconic performances, it's hard to rank them, but uh yeah, it's like I I think it's up there with like the diehards and the fifth elements and stuff like that.
I see it on lists a lot of when we have been doing uh like research for this month with like the 80s movies, it comes up on almost every list of It's from the 80s, right?
1991.
Oh, okay.
So it kind of from this era. Yeah. Yeah, it kind of straddles that era. It's like a it's it's kind of a dark movie for a buddy cop-ish, you know, quip movie. It's like darker than some of the the 80s stuff, but not but still like a little over the top and not quite as like all the way dark and you know to that like late 90s stuff. Uh definitely feels like more enjoyable and fun. There's no no way you would not like this movie. I feel like there are parts that aren't good.
I'll have to watch it. But yeah, it's it's fun. It keeps it keeps popping up, and it's I I don't think that it's a bad movie, right? Like it got got well reviewed and yeah, yeah, it got well reviewed.
It did well.
Yeah. Yeah, it keeps popping up on lists of great action movies that um I'm looking at, but uh I never watch it because I'm always watching a bad movie.
So Yeah. Yeah, I mean I'm not gonna pretend it's hard to make time. Yeah, I'm not gonna pretend it's Citizen Kane. It's not like uh, you know, the like this was an Academy Award, you know, best picture nominee or anything like that. It's it's yeah, it's definitely a popcorn action movie, but it's it's good.
Do you like dark action movies like that?
Like this or just in general? I uh you'd have to give me some examples, but yeah, I I like dark action movies.
Like uh 48 hours is a little bit darker than I don't remember 48 hours well enough. Um We were just talking about Nick Nulty. He's in that.
Yeah, we were. Why were we talking about him?
Uh I think um Cape Fear.
Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How we confused Nick Nulty and Gary Deuce.
I mean, uh Lethal Weapon had had some darkness to it too.
With his like I mean, every action movie has some darkness if you're like murdering people and there's some. I guess it'd be cool. Yeah. Uh yeah. Yeah, I guess the the bigger question is what are some fun, cheery action movies? Rush hour. Yeah, that's true. Checkmate. Uh I actually feel like the like modern era probably is like not dark enough. It's like too sanitized and like the the Marvel era, it's like all PG 13 action movies.
Well, since we've been watching the older action movies, I have appreciated the kind of gritty nature of the older movies. Also, another thing that I've noticed watching 80s action movies is where did all the nudity in action movies go? It's like every yeah, every 80s action movie had nudity in it, it seems like. And now it's Ryan Gosling. And uh, yeah, it's just like I'm not lamenting it. I'm just saying I noticed it's disappeared.
Yeah, well, I I think that's uh how how do we talk about this in a way that that doesn't uh like why the like when when was the switch though? Like well, I think a lot of it was just gratuitous, like it didn't it was like we talked about Tango and Cash, it was just like, oh, let's just have some woman pop up in this garage where it was like it doesn't make any sense that there would be a naked woman there. Uh definitely didn't need it. They're just like, oh, we you know, we've got the room in the R rating. Let's just let's just add some boobs. Uh and I think it probably today you'd have to like justify it more that you know that has to like be part of the plot or something like that.
Let's get some male nudity in modern action movies.
Well, I feel like it I feel like there was a period in the like late tens or early twenties where it like definitely seemed to swing that way, at least on TV. Like you definitely saw saw a lot of full frontal male nudity.
Oh, like Rome. I remember that had some gratuitous male nudity.
Yeah, I feel like they'd never they they never did that in the 80s. Yeah, probably. Men make like Action Jackson comes out of the shower with jeans on.
We did get Kurt Russell in uh Stallone's ass in the prison scene. That is true.
But yeah, if they made Action Jackson today, you definitely know you're you're seeing some some full frontal. Yeah. Uh speaking of, I don't think there's is there any nudity in in today's movie? Yes. Oh, I forgot all about it.
Who's nude? Um, I don't remember, but I noted it. I just wrote boobs in my movie is insane. Yeah, well, it's gonna be hard to cover, I think, but it I'm all of my notes are like stream of consciousness because I don't know how to organize my thoughts. So yeah, I just know at some point, um yeah, I don't I don't remember any nudity.
But the female lead in this movie I definitely want to talk. She she didn't get naked. Uh there's all there's a scene of this couple of a couple on the beach having sex. There was definitely no nudity. Like it's almost remarkable to me that there was no nudity.
It was sometime between the uh bazooka in the neighborhood scene and the like super muscular bodybuilder scene. Okay, maybe there was boobs in between there.
Oh, yeah. Actually, I remember now. There are a couple scenes where he goes to a bar and there's just a naked woman dancing on the it was yeah, another like is this a strip club or what like what is this? Uh why is it why is there a naked woman here? So you're right, there are boobs and an invasion of this thing from 1985. Uh starring Chuck Norris and uh uh 21% on Rotten Tomatoes, $12 million budget, made 40 million, 42 million worldwide. So uh did well. Uh what's your relationship with this movie? Had you heard about it? Do you did you know anything about it?
I knew nothing about this movie. I'd never heard of it. I am not a big Chuck Norris guy, I don't think. He wasn't my action hero of choice growing up.
Yeah, I was gonna ask you about that. I I feel like
I really know him from Walker Texas Ranger, which I don't know that I even watched. Did you watch it?
Um some episodes, I think. Yeah, but not really. Yeah, definitely didn't. I saw a lot of clips of it. I saw it advertised on TV a lot.
Like maybe that's what it was.
Uh and of course, the uh the the uh Conan lever that he had on his show where he would pull the lever and it would show a random Walker Texas Ranger clip. Do you remember that? No, I don't remember that.
Yeah, it's weird. Like I don't I don't know why that why that was so much in my life. Like it was that definitely a middle school, high school, college era that it was on all the time. Um it was on CBS, so I don't know if like it was in between things or what, but uh I don't think that my interests aligned or overlapped big time uh with the target audience for that show.
Right. Probably not. I've never been a cowboy or a a ranger, so I don't and I don't I don't like I don't live in Texas, so I don't know anything about it. Was he a cowboy or did he just wear a cowboy hat? I think rangers wear cowboy hats. I think that's part of their like uniform.
Are there are there other rangers? Is there like a Oklahoma Ranger or is like Texas Ranger just like a uh I think it's just its own thing. Like what? Rangers are their own things?
Yeah, like I don't think there's uh I don't think there's other state rangers that I know of. I've never heard of like the Massachusetts Rangers.
The California Rangers.
Yeah. Uh New York Rangers.
Yeah, I feel like I should know what a Texas Ranger is by now.
Yeah, can they legally arrest me? I don't think they have jurisdiction. What do they have jurisdiction of? Cowboys? Only the range.
Yeah. I mean it's like a sheriff, right?
I don't know. If there's any uh Texas Rangers in the audience, please reach out to us.
Anyway, so yeah, there was the show, and then I already mentioned uh that I missed like a lot of the 80s. So like I don't think I had a real relationship with Chuck Norris that was contemporary contemporaneous with his yeah, being on air king of yeah.
Um he got a start in uh Bruce Lee, didn't he?
I was just gonna say I knew he was in some Bruce Lee stuff. That's probably where I first actually saw him was in a Bruce Lee movie because I got really into Bruce Lee movies for a while. Didn't Bruce Lee kill him? In real life. Uh I think they uh I definitely didn't do the background research on this, so I shouldn't I shouldn't guess on this, but I think they had a falling out.
Oh. But I think in the movie he killed Chuck Norris's character in the fight at the climax. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know that much about Bruce Lee, to be honest. His movies.
Uh I know even less about Chuck Norris. So yeah, same.
That's the point. Uh so I could have named a Bruce Lee movie from the top of my head before today. I could not have named another Chuck Norris.
Yeah, this very well may be the first Chuck Norris movie I've watched from start to finish that like starred Chuck Norris.
I believe the same is true for me.
Yeah. Which is wild. Like I don't think I know.
With how famous he was in like the early 2010s where there it was a Chuck Norris joke every five seconds.
Yeah, and I kind of grew up during his like peak. Uh um that is we uh yeah, it seems it seems factually incorrect. Like I I feel a little bit embarrassed. I haven't seen a Chuck Norris movie up until now.
Yeah. Same. Yeah.
Uh so a little bit of background about this movie. This was the first of a six-film contract that Mr. Norris signed with Canon Films. So we've talked about Canon Films I think at the Masters of Universe of Masters of the Universe episode. Um talked I like I think I talked for like five, ten minutes about their history and how they like they basically got their start in like a bunch of kind of B movies. Yeah, B movies and uh like expanded and expanded and like kind of imploded at the end of the 80s with Superman 4 and Masters of the of the Universe, the both they put a lot of money into and then bombed. Like I think they went bankrupt in the middle of the filming of those movies, but anyway, so this is like kind of that's good. Yeah, this is kind of peak canon films that are coming out of like the really cheap B movies and all that into like more mainstream stuff, but yeah, anyway.
Uh just a documentary about them.
Yeah, that I need to watch. Yeah, I want to watch that too.
Yeah.
Uh but did you see Norris? How Chuck Norris got the idea for this movie? Yeah. He read I read an article on Reader's Digest that said hundreds of terrorists were running loose in the US.
Which probably not true. He just took it as fact. Which part? There were hundreds of terrorists running free in the United States.
Like, I I don't know that Reader's Digest is like was a credible news source, but I have to believe that they didn't like just like was it a comment in Reader's, like uh it didn't like if that that didn't sound like that was a legit article. Um I know.
Yeah, I I would not get information that you used to shape your like worldview from Reader's Digest.
Uh yeah, but uh but he didn't like convinced, yeah. He's like, this is a we've got a war in America. Um which okay, so I should say I did feel icky at some point during this movie because I'm like, oh holy shit, like this is uh
like I know Chuck Norris, especially towards the end of his life, got really like right-wing political. And it seems like this he didn't change. Like this was that was like watching this movie, that worldview had been there for decades. Like I was like, oh, is this how like right-wing people see the world? Because it there's nothing like explicitly racist or xenophobic in this, but it definitely is very xenophobic.
Yeah, oh, uh very much so. I like it's basic it's it's essentially a red dawn movie for Chuck Norris. The United States gets invaded by Russia through Cuba and uh like the kind of Caribbean, which I think is where it gets uncomfortable for me.
Well, yeah, it's it starts out with uh one of my first notes um was uh oh, we're gonna talk about immigration, aren't we? Because the first scene is a bunch of refugees on a boat from Cuba, I guess. Yeah. Um and yeah. Uh so you kind of already gave the synopsis. I was gonna ask for the synopsis, but um, was there anything you're gonna add to the synopsis? I mean, that's that is the movie.
Yeah, I mean it's it's a one-man army comes to the rescue when the United States are invaded by communists.
Yeah. Uh it doesn't seem like it's a state-sponsored thing. It's just like the invasion? Yeah, it's just a bunch of terrorists that are led by it.
Doesn't even seem like that many terrorists.
Well, it's sometimes it doesn't, and then sometimes it does. Sometimes it's like, oh, there are hundreds of these. Like when they do the like D-Day style landing and get in all those trucks. I'm like, how did nobody detect them? That there's like hundreds of people.
Amanda was like, did nobody notice all those trucks that were parked there?
Yeah, I was thinking about somebody had to drive, like, was it another army that was already there that drove those trucks, or was it like just one guy who kept going to get the trucks and like that would have taken months to get like 200 trucks lined up?
I know, and like when they closed the parking lot for the beach that day, nobody noticed the 40 trucks all lined up in a row. Yeah. And called someone. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know that we uh should get bogged down into the plot.
No. Um but anyway, back to the background. So Chuck Norris wrote the screenplay with his brother. Well, it said his brother wrote the story, which I don't really know what that means in Ha. Hollywood parlance. It just seems like it sounds like they were talking, and his brother was like, okay, here's there's there's not much story here. So like quote unquote wrote the story. Couldn't have been more than a paragraph or two, but I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something.
Yeah, I mean, this just seems like um it it's xenophobic fan fiction starring Chuck Norris and written by his brother. Yeah. Uh it it was written and directed by um different guys, but they both worked with him on the missing in action movies, which came out a year before this, or maybe two years. Uh, which was that that was the first of his six movies that he did with the canon films. So yeah, it sounds like they were just using the same writers and directors to put out slop action movies, and this was the racist one that came second.
Did you see uh that Chuck Norris wanted Whoopi Goldberg to play the journalist? Yeah, uh, and the director would let him. Yeah, I don't know. And it and so Norris was like, needless to say, I've never used that director again.
So I don't know. I don't think Whoopi could have even saved this one. No.
I mean, well, okay, we'll get to the journalist character, but uh yeah, let's let's let's start talking about the movie. I I think I can't remember if we've said this already, but this is gonna be really tough to cover because uh I just also had a stream of conscious notes because I don't I don't know how to I don't know how to go through this in an organized way because
the plot like we've already kind of covered the plot and it's just like set piece to set piece, I guess, of like Chuck Norris being a badass saving the day, and that's all this movie is. So we kind of have to talk about like scene by scene a little bit.
Um the plot is is irrelevant to each scene. Right.
Well, yeah, let's let's go through kind of like broad, we don't have to cover every scene, but uh I just want to talk about yeah, how crazy this movie is. I before before you watched it, I just sent you all caps unhinged. Like that's that's the best way I can think of to describe this movie. It is one of the craziest movies I've watched in a while. Uh yeah. But yeah, what what did you think about this movie before we dive in? Did you enjoy watching it?
I definitely enjoyed watching this movie. It's uncomfortable, like you said, but I didn't expect anything less, I guess. Uh yeah, it's the crazy, it's it's insane. Like when I finished it, I was like, this is the new movie for me that I feel like people have to watch this.
Okay, good. Good. I feel the same way. I'm like, this is the first, like clearly so bad it's good movie. Yes, yes, that's that I've seen in a while, like since since Troll 2.
Um it had a lot of the same amateur mistakes that uh troll two had. And like even like I was telling Amanda, even plan nine from outer space, where it has this inconsistency with the plot line where it goes just from day to night back to like it's yeah, it doesn't make sense scene to scene. You're like, I don't know what the timeline even is. Yeah, because Chuck Norris doesn't change his clothes the whole movie, so you don't know if how many days have elapsed.
Uh he does a little bit. Sometimes he has fewer buttons, uh sometimes he has a shirt all the way unbuttoned, and sometimes he has it buttoned all the way to his navel.
So yeah, his outfit is complete Canadian tuxedo, denim everything. It's a shirtless, or it's a sleeveless shirt that is rarely buttoned. In my notes, I put I don't even think a shirt has buttons. Uh but it's yeah, basically cowboy boots, uh denim getup with a leather belt and that beautiful head of hair.
Yeah. Uh the movie also just shifts locations uh abruptly. It seems like the whole thing is set in Florida until we're in downtown. And it sh it shifts from suburb to beach to city, and yeah, it's not clear at all why.
It is all over the place. It is so hard to follow. And um, since it's Florida, it's hard to tell what season it is, and then it's just like 30 minutes in, you it's introduced to it's Christmas, and it's okay. Like yeah, it doesn't make any sense, it's so illogical.
Well, the only reference to Christmas is that this family is putting together their Christmas tree in the front yard, and the little girl wants to put the star on the top of the Christmas tree. Um, which I don't I mean, I know people decorate their front yards, but I don't know anybody who's like, oh, our Christmas tree is gonna be in the front yard. It's like literally uh the tree.
That had nothing to do with the plot. Christmas had nothing to do with it.
No, there's no reference to Christmas anymore.
And her decorate decorating the tree didn't serve any purpose for the story.
I disagree with that. I think it was like, let's we want to show how unhinged these terrorists are. Let's make this the most like saccharine sweet, like kid.
Picture perfect to middle America. Yeah, before these uh before the terrorists blow this little girl to speak. People are gonna do to you.
If you weren't afraid before, you are now. Um yeah, so let's talk about the major scenes. Can we start first with the poster, though? Is this the best poster ever? Is it the I'm looking at the one on IMDB and Wikipedia with the capital behind them and there's a capital behind, which we mentioned Florida and Atlanta, but they're never in DC. So no. Uh yeah, anyway.
And that's New York on the right. That's DC and New York, because those are the Twin Towers. We don't get to those uh locations though. No, that's in the sequel, I guess. Uh I like in the uh in the poster we get his double oozies that he wears strapped to a harness.
Like yeah, most of most of the movie. Uh I'm not a gun guy, but yeah, is that uh that feels like not right? I don't know.
I mean, it's probably not the safest way to carry them, but it is the coolest way. They're like bespoke leather shoulder harnesses that just strapped to his little oozies and they just hang when he's not using them. Yeah, it is so awesome.
There are some awesome, awesome guns in this movie.
Yeah. I mean, the guns, this movie suffered from the uh trope of the infinite ammo glitch uh pretty badly, where reloads only happen when it's convenient for the plot.
Yeah, except for for the last scene, I feel like he reloaded a lot and then ran out of ammo really quickly.
That's what's the old like that's the only time in the movie anybody reloaded, and I'm like, they're just doing it to show that he's out of ammo now, like he wasted all of
it. Yeah. Uh but there was there was a scene the scene where he's shooting up the perfect little neighborhood with his bazooka. That bazooka fires like 40 rockets without ever being reloaded.
Did you notice that? Uh yeah, I did notice that. Um, I I don't know how many, you know.
Uh it was like one right after another. I'm like, you have to load it every time. Yeah. Yeah. Um it was it was the way the guns worked in this movie was hilarious because uh there was there were no uh no basis in reality. Yeah.
Uh okay, let's let's go somewhat chronological, because like I said, my my notes just stream of consciousness. Um maybe let's skip to where we first meet Chuck Norris. Uh at an aside. So he's uh I mean basically he's introduced as the ultimate Florida man, I guess was my only way to describe him. I had it written the same way. He's on one of those like Florida fanboat thingies, which what are those called? I think they called him in the movie airboat rides. Uh I meant to look this up, but what why? Why is Florida the only place you find those? Like if they worked well, you'd think they'd be in like Venice or like other, I mean, just other bodies of water, but every time you see that, you're like, oh yeah, that's Florida.
It probably works really well in like shallow, still water that they get a lot of down there. It probably wouldn't work in Venice because you'd be blowing everybody's uh off the sidewalks. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that that makes sense, I guess. Um I have never been on one, but I desperately want to go on one after watching this.
Yeah, it seems I I've never wanted to be on one. It doesn't seem particularly safe or interesting. But you know, there are a handful of these, like it just seemed like these are just common. He he is driving them quite in quite a few scenes, and just like yeah, like it's no big deal.
I mean, the entire intro sequence of him riding the
fanboat around like that's all it is. That's the the whole intro credits to this movie is just him tear assing around the Everglades on a fanboat with his shirt open.
Uh yeah, what is what is his life out there? Would you live out in the swamp like that? No, he's got a house in the middle of nowhere.
I know it looked um
horrible, but I I have to talk. If we're talking about the opening sequence, I have to talk about the budget of the movie. Okay. Uh the movie had a $12 million budget. Uh 2 million of that went to Chuck Norris as his fee. Five million of it was used in the final sequence, and two million of it was used for that opening fan vote sequence. So it's like, what is that? Nine of the 12 million dollars uh was used up in two scenes and Chuck Norris's fee. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. You know, it was it was completely fan service for Chuck Norris uh stands or whatever, because it was just him and his hair riding a fanboat. Yeah,
if if you were like uh Oh, and wrestling an alligator.
Yeah, which I put I put they definitely harmed animals in the making of this movie. I know.
I was uncomfortable from that scene.
Yeah, yeah. If you were like went to somebody, went to a producer and were like, make me a movie to make me seem like the baddest person that's ever lived. Like this is this is the type of movie they would make. Just like you he can do his character can do anything, uh, and is indestructible.
This movie has a demographic that it's catering to that's so perfectly defined, I can like just picture the I can picture the person who loves this movie in my head.
Uh well, I mean, they kind of look like Chuck Norris in this movie, right? Like the mullet, the the truck that he drives, and uh yeah, the the kind of guy that's walking around with guns strapped to he is a badass. Yeah, uh yeah. Um so so yeah, this movie's unhinged because Chuck Norris's character is so perfectly whatever you would call this. Um he's he's stoic throughout. Like he doesn't would you would you call this acting? Like he doesn't he doesn't do remote.
Yeah. He does I like I don't even think he runs. Like he's very Michael Myers in like his just pace in this movie.
Yeah, Terminator esque.
Yeah, it's uh I mean I'm sure they were trying to capitalize on that type of uh movie, but yeah, he is like it's a cardboard stand-in, like it could be. But he delivers
one of my favorite action movie one-liners of all time in this movie.
Oh, yeah, go on. What is it?
Well, he he stabs a uh man in the hand with uh and like pins his hand to the table. Yeah. And then this other guy comes to like try to stand up for the guy that just got his hand, and he slaps him in the face and kicks him out of the room, and he says, If you come back in here again, I'm gonna hit you with so many rights, you're gonna beg for a left.
Yeah, I I wrote that down too. I don't understand what he meant, but I don't know either. Sounds cool. Yeah. Um, I love it. Yeah, so it's unhinged because of his character, which uh uh by the way, he he has a pet armadillo. Yeah. In the introduction we see, and I don't know how he trains it or how they trained it for the movie. Uh it's just gone. Like they don't reintroduce it or anything like that, so it's not like a sidekick, which would have been kind of awesome. But yeah, um, yeah, anyway, the craziness of him juxtaposed against the villains who are like the most cartoonish villains, and just yeah, uh yeah, unhinged, I'll say again. Yeah. Um we're introduced to them in the first scene where they kill all these migrants in order to uh never mind. We don't have to get on the clock. The second scene, uh he kills these two people that he's trying to like exchange drugs for money, whatever, and he shoots the guy kills the guy by shooting him in the crotch, uh, which he does to another guy later in the movie. Yeah, while spitting in his face, and then which I thought was hard as hell. Yeah, and then kills the woman in the room by just throwing her out of the window in like the most violent and just yeah, maniac way possible possible.
Yeah. Uh it's non-stop that kind of insanity in the movie. If like if Action Jackson left me wanting for action, this delivered.
Yeah, yeah. We talked about how there's too much plot in Action Jackson. This is uh just the right amount, I think, where they're like, we'll
just give it to you in the title and like broad strokes, and then we're just gonna go. We're just gonna hit the gas, and you just you just you're along for the ride.
Yeah. The thing that annoyed me about this movie, though, was we were 45 minutes into the movie, and Chuck Norris was only just accepting the job. Like he had been doing his own shit for the first 45 minutes of the movie. Like he he was in another story for 45 minutes. It was fanboats. The Russians did blow up his house and killed his friend John Eagle.
Yeah. Uh that's that's how he got in, uh, because they they tried to kill his friend.
Yeah, but then the the CIA or somebody came to try to get him to help, and he was just playing hard to get for 45 minutes.
Yeah, we're led to believe that he's well, yeah, he's a retired CIA operative or mercenary, whatever.
They just kept calling it the agency or right, the agency or something that comes from. Yeah, I don't remember.
I think I picked up CIA reading afterwards or whatever. Yeah, they didn't they didn't mention who he actually was. No, just he was retired and didn't want to do the job anymore, and it was like, yeah, the the US is under attack. There's only one man.
Matt Hunter.
Um and yeah, so yeah, it starts with the bad guys like trying to kill him because there's this prior relationship with him and the main bad guy, and the main bad guy is just convinced that like leaving this guy alive is gonna derail all their plans. So they go blow up his house and all that. They don't even go check that he's dead, though. They just like drive away on the fanboats.
I was like, they didn't confirm that kill, you gotta collect those tags. But he he the he's so dangerous that the main villain is having nightmares about him, and then he thinks he doesn't even go check to see that he's actually dead.
Yeah.
That didn't make sense.
Oh, by the way, I put uh in my notes, please don't set me on fire if I die. They can't they kill they killed his Chuck Norris's friend, and so Chuck mourns him and then just sets the body on fire and leaves. I'm like, what?
His family might want his remains. You just decided how he gets buried. He might have had wishes.
Yeah, I mean, it's not even like yeah, scatter by ashes, and you're you're just like, yeah, I'm just gonna set your body on fire in your boat-up house.
Um when the CIA agent or whoever came to try to convince him to uh take the mission, he rowed out to his house in a rowboat. But I don't know if you've noticed, he was rowing backwards, he was doing it like the hard way. Like he was facing the wrong direction in the boat and was like rowing backwards, and it looked so strange. And it's like obvious he didn't know how to row a boat.
Maybe that was part of the like that character didn't know how to row a boat. So maybe that could be. But it looks funny. Uh I'm not sure I know how to row a boat. So what's the right way to row a boat? Like I would just I would face the direction I'm going and no. Oh, it's like the three people.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's easier to pull back than to like push forward. Yeah, maybe I'd do that. Because you can yeah. So he was doing it the other way, which looked so awkward. So you would like push forward to no, you would pull you put your you put the paddles in the water and then you pull back.
I'm clearly clearly a city boy. Uh I I haven't been out in the water in a while.
Yeah.
Yeah, so they keep cutting to all these terrorists,
like just doing crazy shit around the country. Or or around Florida at least.
Um they Yeah, for a while it's just it just seems to be in Florida.
And they seem to have access to a lot of resources just for landing craft and all sorts of stuff. By the way, uh, I think I skipped over this, but like I'm not even sure who those terrorists are. They're like different races, uh, ethnicities. Like, it seems like it's just these the two like masterminds collected all the terrorists from around the world and brought them to the US.
Well, I think they were bringing a lot of um Hispanic people from Cuba and stuff because they were invading through there.
But there were Asians, there were black people, they were like Eastern European.
I think that the races were just uh used for xenophobia, xenophobic uh police.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was basically all these. I mean, there were also Aryan. White people too. Like it was just like a melting pot of terrorists.
Yeah. Um yeah. Which caused some issues for me. Uh one of my notes, like during the climax of the movie, is I don't know who the bad guys are and who the good guys are in the final scene.
Yeah, it was a little bit confusing at times. I guess I mean part of it was they were trying to sow chaos, but like the terrorists were um impersonating police officers.
Like one of the early scenes, they're soldiers and stuff.
Yeah, and they just like go to this community center and shoot up this community center, and yeah, they impersonate soldiers and try to capture Chuck Norris. And it was like, how do they get access to all these? Like, I mean, I don't know. They yeah, again, they weren't like trying to explain that. It was just like, all right, here's the scene. Let's not worry about how we got from the last scene to this scene.
Yeah. Yeah. They didn't explain stuff like that. That scene, though, uh, made me think of, yeah, hi, real police.
Perfect. See, it keeps getting better. I know.
It's working on me. But yeah, we we already talked about the Christmas suburb scene, but this is probably the most like crazy scene as the terrorists go to the suburb and just like we're introduced to the setting with the kid putting the star on the Christmas tree, the and then like kids playing. There's like a teenage couple making out in the car and kids playing football, uh, and like just you know, this happy suburban and these terrorists ride up and then just blow everything up, and it is nuts.
It's so violent.
Yeah. Uh and it's like, yeah, they like they totally went there. Um, but it actually looks really great because they actually blew these houses up. Did you see this? I assume you did.
Yeah, yeah. They were the airport was expanding its runway, and so they were demolishing this neighborhood, and so they just got to actually blow up all these houses and shit.
I I can't imagine that it they did it safely. Uh no. But it looked really cool.
Well, uh, there were some safety issues with this movie. Uh okay.
I I missed that.
Uh yeah, one of the stunt men, I don't know if you remember it, but there's um these guards that are inside like a big garage, and there's this huge metal garage door, and and they blow the garage door out. Yeah, and it was super violent. And it like the stunt was, and it was like an actual they like they fucked it up. It wasn't supposed to be that violent. They said the door was just gonna fall down and that uh the stunt men were gonna take some shots from the people who stormed through. The door like blew off the hinges and it um injured a stunt man. He like broke his arm and got really bad cuts all over him, and he sued the uh the production.
I I wonder if it's the like is he in the shot?
Because I they left the take-in. Yeah.
Because I I remember it blowing up, and there was a guy like sitting at a table, and he like flew back. That was him, I think. I mean, it looked really real. I know. Because it was eyes, I guess.
Yeah, they uh the stunts in this were pretty good, I think. There was another stunt in this. Was this the movie where the woman was hanging off the side of the truck? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was uh that stunt. Um goddamn it. What what was happening in that scene?
Uh that's that's a bigger question than you think. So this was after after the mall. So the which we have to talk about the mall scene, but after the mall, the one of the main bad guys escapes the mall and like gets in like uh he he drives the showcase car from the mall outside into the mall, and then these two girls
like like, what are you doing? And he like grabs one of them from the driver's like side window and drives off, just holding onto her for a really long time while Chuck Norris and the reporter follow them.
Yeah.
And it's like, why is I don't know why he was holding on to her, but anyway, and then like it's this whole scene where the reporter tries to grab her as they're like driving side by side.
Yeah, it was a good stunt. It was exciting to watch. Uh and I just love 80s action movies because there's O CGs, so you know they're doing it somehow.
Yeah, yeah, it's definitely real.
Um by the way, favorite um mall driving destruction scene, this or Blues Brothers?
Uh it's been a while since I've seen that Blues Brothers scene, uh, but this is definitely I mean Blues Brothers is probably the most fun, and like I mean, it's it's funny and iconic. This is just again, just crazy. Like the the the terrorists are going to blow up, or at least like plant a bomb in the small, and then uh I don't know though. This is like I think I wrote in my notes, uh yeah, Saves America with his truck, or just I think this is the first of several scenes where Chuck Norris just like drives his truck in, so he like drives it into the mall and then just starts like using the those two oozies, like to shoot and it it's just really weird how it's choreographed because it's like that whole trip where there are bullets flying everywhere, only his bullets actually hit people. I know. Um, and he like just has throughout the movie, I guess, this like ESP of like knowing when somebody's about to turn the corner and just fires off a perfect shot. But um yeah, it's just a it's a this is definitely a crazier mall.
Yeah. Uh they act and they I think it's similar to the uh Blues Brothers, where it was like uh they were renovating the mall or something when they were filming, and so they just let them actually do all of that in there. They don't they don't make movies like that anymore, do they? I know. That scene also had just the coolest little kid ever. Do you remember him?
Uh oh yeah, the kid with the gum.
Yeah. It was walk around and like no fucks given about anything. And yeah.
His whole mission was to throw gum on that car. I thought that was gonna come back to like that the gum like messes up the terrace view or something, but yeah.
No, it's just a badass little kid that hates the uh mall security.
What was up with that scene with Chuck Norris driving around and like
people on the street yelling at him? He was like looking for the terrace, and it was like this was another scene that felt weird that it was like, oh, is this like his view of what America is? Like there were there were prostitutes on the street, and they just like he's driving by and they just start yelling, what the fuck you looking at? And I'm like, wouldn't they think he's like a potential customer at the very least? And then it was just like gangs on the corner, and just it was just like the worst street in America that you can imagine. Like, do you know what scene I'm talking about? I vaguely remember it, yeah. And um, yeah.
It it uh reminds me like just this morning, Amanda and I went to uh breakfast uh together. Uh and it was like a beautiful morning. The weather's perfect, the leaves are like just starting to change. We were uh having breakfast, and it was like the restaurant was nice and quiet, and we were having just a nice time. And the table behind us was this old guy, and he was talking to the waitress, and he was talking about like the good old days, and uh and she was saying, Oh, those were the days when you didn't come home until the street lights came on, and he was like, Yeah, you didn't have to worry about being mugged. I'm like, You're having a beautiful breakfast in this night. Like, why are you worried about being mugged right now? Like, why is your worldview so negative? Yeah, yeah, like it's unnecessarily negative and dark, and I I don't know why uh people choose to uh act that way. Yeah, but that's like that was very prevalent in this movie where of just like things are bad. He even said that this was a warning to America and that he wanted to make a statement with this movie and stuff. I guess he later admitted they went too far.
Yeah, but yeah, it was like the bad guys were just the most pure evil, like you can imagine. Um, there's a scene later later where I'm like, oh my god, they're gonna blow up the church. Where it's like it's like just this worldview of like there are there's pure evil and then there's like pure good Americans. It's like you know, we're on lockdown, but this man is taking his family to go to church. Yeah, and I don't pray and sing hymns.
I don't think it's putting too fine of a point on it to be like the all-white congregation singing hymns while the uh multi-ethnic terrorist group outside literally shoots bazookas at the church.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's why I I mean, yeah, there are scenes that make me feel a little uncomfortable. But it's a great time. Yeah, like what are you trying to say? Let me ignore what you're trying to say here.
Yeah, I'm here for the stunts.
Um also his can we just talk a little bit about the reporter character? What was that character? I don't know. Like she had nothing to do. So both her and Chuck Norris managed to find the terrorists every time. Yeah, they're they're both there.
Amanda said, Why is she at every shooting?
And I'm like, I don't know, she's just already there. Uh she I can't even tell if she's like a freelance journalist or like a real like what kind of reporter she is. She's taking pictures, yeah, but we never like see is she on TV? Is she actually submitting this anywhere? Is she a you know, newspaper journalist? But at one point, like one of
the terrorists take her hostage, and she just flips out, and the the scene is basically her like screaming at Chuck Norris as he just walks away and just like dismisses her. And I just wrote down bitches be crazy.
Like that's just like the way that he wrote.
Yeah, the way he wrote that character, or whoever wrote that character is just like, oh, yeah, just she was completely hysterical, yeah. Yeah, for for no apparent reason.
Yeah, it was I and her character didn't do anything, like it didn't.
She didn't her reporting didn't solve anything. No, no, it didn't advance the story at all. There was no love interest between him or anything.
Uh just kind of a nuisance that he kept running into.
And then she just kind of disappeared. Like, we didn't see her again after he quote unquote got arrested.
Yeah. I wrote like, can't the National Guard help? Or like why is just one guy? Why is it just Chuck Norris's job to stop this invasion?
Uh it seems like there would be more effective ways. It's it seems like the terrorists would get caught eventually. Like somebody would have seen this like truck of bazooka carrying people. Or, you know, when they they had the curfew and as everything was locked down, and you had this whole army of people wrapping.
Obviously breaking curfew.
Yeah, like putting bombs in front of the church and you know, helicopters, you know, above the church. Like they somebody would see that.
The bazooka was definitely the villain's weapon of choice. Uh, I don't know why he continued to use it, but he was even using it indoors in the final scene, like he was carrying it around the hallways like he was gonna shoot 10 feet.
Yeah. Just a few other random things. Just uh like there's a scene where a bunch of parents are putting their kids on a bus to send them out to the country to keep them safe. And I was like, this is a trap, right?
Like we'll take your kids to safety. And why can't the parents go? Like, why do they have to separate the families?
Yeah, I didn't see any adults on the bus except whoever was driving. Um I loved at some point during his crusade, he meets up with a CAA guy at this amusement park and hands him some papers and like this is what you have to do. And I was just picturing him stopping to at Kinko's or something to print out his plan.
Yeah. I uh I wrote that kicks to the face are always good.
Yeah. Was that in the final scene? The office building scene.
Yeah.
Uh yeah, let's uh yeah, let's jump to that.
I don't know what happened. I I couldn't tell you what happened. All I know is there was army fighting militia outside. I didn't know who which side was good and which side was bad. Yeah. And then Chuck Norris was in an office building separate, it's like somewhere else, just quietly hunting.
No, it was the same building.
So so the It was outside that building.
Yeah, so the the I guess we can talk plot briefly. So he basically sets it up that he gets arrested, and then he's on, I guess, national TV, and they just like let him stop and like give a speech to the camera, and he's like talking to the camera. He's like, Tonight you die, or whatever. Yeah, like talking to the main terrace guy, but it's supposed to be like anyway, so they basically trick the terrace into going to capture Chuck Norris, but it's all a trap, so it's all the same building. Chuck Norris is hiding in this building that they lay siege on. I loved how the terrorists go into this building and they just start shooting up the building, like they don't even nobody's in there. Uh but just start shooting so many bullets, and they're also like stacked behind. Like, I don't know, like I don't know how it actually I you know I've never been in combat, but you never breached a room. I imagine if you're five deep, you all shouldn't start shooting because you're just gonna shoot the people in front of you.
Uh oh, I don't think the tactics were involved in in whatever that scene was.
Uh they didn't rehearse this part. Um, but yeah, anyway, it's all a trap. So you've got the huge group of terrorists at the bottom that like are trying to then leave once they realize it's a trap and the National Guard is out there shooting.
I was so confused.
Yeah, I was like, they're shooting for so long. I was like, how are there still bad guys left? It was like 15 minutes of like cutting back and forth between the ends of the stuff.
And they were just shooting fish in a barrel, too, right? Like they're just coming out of the building.
Yeah, they were just streaming. So this was one of the times when I was like, oh, there are hundreds of terrorists in this building. Like, how did they all get there and why are they all still alive? But yeah, yeah, and then Chuck is hunting the main, main bad guys at the top of the street.
At the slowest speed possible.
Well, yes, you're right.
It could not have been slower. That's why that was 15 minutes of uh of henchmen being killed.
It was also he was doing the thing that was from Action Jackson where he kept disappearing. Like uh like he he had he he roundhouse kicked the bad guy. The bad guy was on the floor and like weaponless, like immobilized, and instead of Chuck Norris then basically saying time to die and killing him, he just disappeared, so that we had another five minutes of the guy like looking around and like trying to see where to go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm ready to end this.
Um but it was probably the like best ending to a movie ever. He just shoots him with a grenade launch or whatever.
You see pieces of flesh, like the guy it was like viscera exploding out of the window. There was a foot, like a bloody foot. Like I I rewound it and slowed it down and was like trying to show a man all the little body parts.
Yeah, it was really well done. Like, yeah, uh, yeah, the guy just got shredded and then I was just cut to credits. Not gonna explain anymore about the aftermath of this.
No follow-up. Just done. I have no notes. Yeah. Uh this is a great action movie. Uh I don't agree with its uh world view.
Yeah, I mean, it's just kind of hinted at. It's a pretty big hint, I guess. I mean, it's called Invasion USA.
Yeah, it's a dog whistle for sure.
Yeah.
Um but I loved it. I had a great time. Uh I would say it's a five-star bad movie. I'm gonna take a point for the overt racism. So it's a four-star for me.
Yeah, I do feel uncomfortable with racism, I should say. The more we talk about it, the more I'm like, yeah, you know, they did uh um, yeah, there are a few points that I mean if it was anybody else, like I feel like if you tried to wipe your head of like what you know of Chuck Norris's politics towards the end of his life, then maybe it feels a little bit uh different, but yeah.
It was maybe just a little more acceptable in those days, too.
Maybe I don't know, you never know.
Tell me.
Yeah. Uh what was the point of Chuck giving that guy that he's stabbed with a hand, giving him a live grenade?
I don't know. He just pulled it off his belt in the middle of a fight, too. It was the most like fight-ending move I've ever seen.
Uh like he gives the bad guy a live grenade and like puts it in his hand.
And then he says, If you live through this, tell Rostov it's time to die.
Yeah, and the guy just throws it out the window, and it's like, well, yeah, that's what he would do.
He's not just gonna I was thinking like you better run.
You like he could throw that grenade at you, yeah. No, you gotta get out of range. No, you're right. He never runs in this movie, he just like walks out like his badass.
I started laughing at the end because I'm like, I don't think that he's blinked in this whole movie. And then he starts shooting, I'm like, he's not even closing an eye to aim. He's both both eyes open aiming no matter what he shoots.
Yeah. By the way, what was up with his gloves? They were way too big, and he just like has them on sometimes, and other times he doesn't. Did you guys? I don't know if I noticed the gloves, no. Uh, if you watch it again, look for the gloves.
Um like uh I think that it's very possible I watch this movie again sometime.
Yeah. Uh I like how the when he gets fake arrested, they don't even give him normal handcuffs. He he has the like chain. Like it's just like I feel like they shot that with normal handcuffs, and he's like, I can't spread my pecs out enough and look badass enough, so give me different handcuff types for us to film the scene.
I mean, these movies do set up those uh I don't even know what you'd call those shots, but like they give them the chance to flex their greasy uh biceps.
Poster shots?
Yeah, we'll call them that. Yeah. Uh yeah. There was one in uh last week in Action Jackson when he was all chained up and shirtless that they they gave him just enough chain that he could pull his bice uh pull into a flex.
Yeah, it's never an unflattering uh yeah, being tied up.
Yeah.
Yeah. Have a little get get a little shine on those uh muscles first, too. If if you're into that, it's that's definitely great in this movie. Well, uh thanks for listening with us. If you have any thoughts or questions, hit us up at the worst moviepodcast at gmail.com. I'm Ade.
I'm Aaron. Thanks for listening to the worst movie podcast.